SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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