saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
