she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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