we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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