I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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