Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
