I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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