do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
