I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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