i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Randomize
