Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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