Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
