Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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