mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
