yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
