i jhust puked up my retainher.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
