Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
mondays should just be called national damage control day
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
