You're a womanizer and a bitch.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
