we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
