so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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