Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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