I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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