sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
