I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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