We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
