Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
