just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
