Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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