update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize