so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
