i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
