i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize