I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
