so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
