That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
