Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
