i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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