she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
