Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
