dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
