I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
