I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
