So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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