u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
