Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize