i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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