hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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