thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
