i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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