I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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