Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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