he thought i was a dude.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize