just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
