I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
pray to the hookup gods
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
