i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
