i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
