I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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