Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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