for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
