Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
