birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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