I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
