BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
