id be glad to
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
