so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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