At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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