I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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