It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
