so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
